Dedicated to Mr. Christopher Colombus (Not inspired by him though)

     

     It was a sunny and warm November day. It looks like the weather screwed up this year a little bit and that's why instead of rains and even snows we were getting a pleasure of sunshine in the late autumn. Well, my friend, Santa, and I weren't less screwed up than the weather, because our rebirth of the souls always had a tendency to start in autumn. Let other people praise the spring for its energy and love explosions. My energy and love explosions do not depend on the time of the year; however, most of them happen to save themselves for autumn.

     Anyway, Santa and I were sitting on the windowsill in her room and finishing up smoking a blunt. It was 11 o'clock in the morning and Santa looked pretty happy for the girl who looks depressed every morning. Santa got up and walked towards her bed. I knew she was going to lie down and look at the ceiling, because it was white and smooth and everything else was too complicated for her eyes.

     - Come on, tell me something, - she said.

     - Ok. You know what a read in a book yesterday? - I asked, arranging cigarette ashes on the windowsill in different patterns.

     - What?

     - Lolita, one of the finest names, means "weed".

     - Bullshit.

     - You want me to show you the book?

     - Ok, whatever. But why would anyone want to name their daughter "weed"?

     - Listen, weed is just a plant. You would name your daughter Lily or Rose, wouldn't you?

     - Well, yeah. Maybe you are right. But at least those plants are beautiful.

     - Come on, those plants are beautiful, but weed makes our life beautiful, which is more important. It makes us happy. I would rather name my daughter Lolita than name her Dolores or something.

     - What's up with Dolores? Sounds good to me.

     - It means "sadness". Maybe it sounds good, but let me tell you something - the word "paranoia" doesn't sound that bad, either.

     - Oh, Lord, why did you have to create these words and let people use them?

     - God didn't create language - we created it. He just created us. You know, my opinion on the whole creation thing is that God overworked a little bit. He should've created plants and stopped. But at the same time, people actually thought of using plants in the right way. God didn't tell them that.

     - Yeah, it looks like God made many mistakes when created us.

     - The biggest mistake was that he created humans with the brains and then told them to reproduce. He told them to reproduce, not to think.

     - Oh, now I got it. The tree of knowledge was evil, because...

     - Because ignorance is a bliss. God was a little bit freaked out when people thought so much that they created platonic love. It all got too freaking mental, instead of physical. But then he thought that it is actually fine with him. They don't want to reproduce - great, they are going to die out faster and the only ones who will stay are the ones who reproduce. The ones who reproduced had brains as well. So they reproduced and created even more creatures that would think, and think, and think. Then he tried to fix his mistakes, so he created different kinds of laws, like the Ten Commandments and shit. So people used them as a controversial topic of discussion and created more things to think about. So God started to correct his mistakes gradually. He let people die from natural disasters, diseases, and even other people who killed in the name of God. That what it was like - he knows too much, burn him. And there were still people, who survived, because they made up cures for diseases, shelters from disasters, and overall they made up lies that often got them out from really lethal situations. Then he decided that he will let people exist, but the people, who are going to follow his rules and standards. So he created the US. It kind of worked. The American people followed the standards, screaming on every corner: "God Bless America". And he did. Their version of holy Bible became a dollar bill, in which they wrote "In God We Trust." And as long as they keep following the religion with a name of "Materialism", God is making sure that everything is fine.

     Santa still was lying on the bed and looking at the ceiling. I stopped talking, because my thoughts were getting in my mind so fast that my lips and tongue didn't have enough time to put everything into sentences or even separate words.

     - Go on, - Santa said. I lit up a cigarette and went on.

     - Now God has to discriminate all the nations that have a big amount of philosophers. I bet he knows one thing - if he can discriminate all Russians, then all other nation will be a piece of cake comparing to them. Now, you see why Americans do not like Russians much. I won't even get in the history of Russia, because God tried to fuck it up all the time and somehow the Russian empire still exists. The Russian nation is probably the only miracle that God created. Moreover, it is a progressive miracle - it does miracles itself. The people somehow manage to live on 300 dollars a months, while they are getting paid only 50 dollars a month. Isn't it a miracle?

     - It is. Listen... All I can say, you sound pretty atheistic.

     - No, I am not. I believe in God, it's just I do not follow his standards and I do not follow the people who follow his standards.

     - All right. I just wonder how come God didn't put you in one of the Twin Towers that day. According to your logic he had to...

     - Oh, Santa, this is a whole different story, a whole different idea called "The Dependence of the Souls", the idea of my whole life. I am not sure I want to share it.

     - I am not sure I want to hear it. Let's smoke another blunt.

     - Yeah. Definitely.

     Santa got up and walked towards the green pile on the table, trying to figure out why her parents gave her such a religious name, instead of calling her Lolita.

     

     October 8, 2001